


Moving Forward

by StormyBear30



Series: Three Little Words [2]
Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-09
Updated: 2012-01-09
Packaged: 2017-10-29 07:09:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>***Warning…Some parts of this fiction contain domestic abuse as well as homophobia. Please note that I do not condone these actions in any way, shape or form. This is just a work of fiction.****</p>
    </blockquote>





	Moving Forward

**Author's Note:**

> ***Warning…Some parts of this fiction contain domestic abuse as well as homophobia. Please note that I do not condone these actions in any way, shape or form. This is just a work of fiction.****

"Whoa…that's an impressive piece of metal" Tomo whistled as Shannon held a shiny ring before his eyes, a smile so wide upon the drummers face that it caused Tomo to smile as well.

"Yeah…" Shannon beamed as he passed the ring back to the sales associate, watching with an eagle eye as she placed it carefully back into the velvet box. "I've been paying on it for the last six months and am planning to give it to you know who on Christmas morning" His smile grew even wider, a small blush of red covering his cheeks as he locked eyes with his best friend in the entire world. "Do you think you know who will like it?" He flicked his eyes to the woman still standing before them before pulling them back to Tomo.

"I know that you know who will love it Shannon" Tomo laughed as he hugged his friend, still amazed that it had been nearly two years since Shannon had given up his bad boy ways and settled down into a serious relationship. "Hell…if you know who doesn't want to marry you then I will" Squeals echoing around them when Shannon started tickling him unmercifully. "Ok…ok" He cried out winded, finally able to break free. "Seriously…there is no doubt in my mind that you know who will love this ring because there is also no doubt in my mind that they don't love you as much as you love them"

"Thanks Tomo" Shannon blushed again, smiling at the sales women as he handed her the final payment on the engagement ring he had had made especially for his lover Tim.

"Congratulations Mr. Leto" The women smiled knowingly handing over the simple bag before turning her attention to another client.

"Jesus Shannon Leto getting married" Tomo whistled again as the two of them made their way out of the shop, while walking towards the car. "Between Jared, myself and you, I would have thought either he or I would have made it down the aisle before the Shanimal"

"I know…I can't fucking believe it myself" Shannon grinned, as they continued to walk down the street. "I never thought that I would settle down with anyone…much less want to marry them. With Tim its different…he makes me different and as hard as it is for me to accept it sometimes…I find myself wanting to be different"

"I'm really happy for you man" Tomo replied truthfully as they climbed into his car and sped off into the busy L.A. streets.

"Tim…" Shannon called out as he entered the apartment he shared with his lover, finding him standing in the kitchen with a beer in his hand. "Hey…" He couldn't help the smile of happiness that spread across his face as he gathered him into his arms, kissing his quite thoroughly before pulling back.

"Hey yourself" Tim returned the greeting, pulling air into his empty lungs. "You seem awfully happy today" He found Shannon's smile was contagious as he shared one of his own with him, once again finding himself being kissed like mad a moment later.

"I am happy" Shannon grinned, unable to remove the smile from his face. "You make me happy baby"

"Well I don't know what I did to deserve this but thank you" Tim found himself giggling getting caught up in Shannon's excitement. "You make me happy too"

"Would you like me to show you just how happy you make me?" Shannon drawled, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's neck as he pulled their bodies as close together as he could. Laughter could be heard all around them as without a word spoken Tim grabbed onto Shannon's hand and together they raced towards the room they had been sharing for the previous year.

"Don't answer it" Shannon murmured an hour later as he and Tim lazed around in post sexual bliss.

"It's my father" Tim ignored Shannon's remark as he reached over the bed and found his formerly discarded pants, plucking the ringing cell phone from its pocket. "Hey pop…" He answered, trying not to laugh when Shannon began to nip and tease his way around his stomach. "No I didn't hear the phone ringing earlier…must have been in the shower or something" He lied, giving his lover a warning look when he continued to torture him playfully.

"More like getting your beautiful ass fucked" Shannon murmured against Tim's skin as he started to kiss his way upward.

"Who was that?" Tim repeated his father's question, placing his hand upon Shannon's forehead in order to hinder his from moving any further. "Um…yeah ok you got me pop I am not alone" Tim laughed nervously, noticing the way Shannon picked his head up, watching him intently, while making him a nervous wreck with the look of hope that sang out from his hazel eyes. "What does she look like?" He once again repeated his father's question, his heart breaking a bit at the look of upset that flickered across Shannon's eyes before disappearing altogether. "She's got the most amazing hazel eyes, dark hair and a body that makes me happy to be a man" He smiled down at Shannon in hopes that it would make up for the lies that he felt he had to tell. "Serious…yeah it's serious" Tim sighed, his smile widening at the smile he received in return. "I've never been more serious about anyone in my life" He giggled as Shannon slid his way up Tim's already sweaty body, intending on making it even more sweaty by the time he was done with him. "Pop I have to go. Can I call you later?" He bit back a moan as he went to disconnect the call, only to shoot straight upwards, knocking his unsuspecting lover to the floor in his haste. "You're what?" Tim practically shouted, not even noticing his grumbling and naked boyfriend on the floor. "When? Right…ok see you then" He ended the call quickly, scanning the bed and finding it empty before pulling his eyes towards the cursing coming from beside him.

"What the fuck Tim?" Shannon grumbled, rubbing his head as he pulled himself off of the floor before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"My father and his wife are coming to L.A. in a week" Tim blurted out absent mindedly, his mind already concocting the story he was going to tell the two about Shannon and the apartment that they shared, the life that they shared.

"Does that mean that you are finally going to tell them about me?" Shannon asked, hope once again shinning from his eyes as he looked up at the man that he loved.

Tim didn't say anything for a moment as he contemplated how he was going to break his lover's heart once again because it had been an age old fight for the previous two years. "Shannon…you know that I can't" He spoke quietly, reaching out to touch the man in comfort, missing his mark as Shannon jumped off of the bed to search for his clothes. "Shannon…please" Tim sighed, closing his eyes for a moment because he knew what was going to happen next and Shannon didn't disappoint.

"Two fucking years Tim. We've been together for two years and every one of my family and friends knows about you and how much I love you…your friends and family they know shit about me" Shannon yelled in anger, jerking on his clothes in a huff before turning to face the silent man. "Are you that fucking embarrassed by me? I mean Christ how long is it going to take before you get the balls to tell anyone that you love another fucking man?" He asked in full frustration, hands on hips.

"You don't understand Shannon" Tim defended himself. "My family is not as open as yours is. My father is one of the biggest homophobes on the planet and as for his new wife…well I don't know her well enough to trust her with our secret" The words escaped his mouth much to quickly as he wished like hell that he could take them back once he had.

"Not our fucking secret…your fucking secret" Shannon corrected, storming out of the room in need of some much needed space and maybe a drink or two.

Tim was starting to get worried when after several hours of calling all of their friends in hopes of finding Shannon; he had come up empty handed. The only thing that kept him from completely freaking out was that he hadn't been able to get in touch with Tomo either and he hoped that they were at least together. Another couple of hours passed and Tim found himself being jerked awake from where he fell asleep on the couch by two giggling and drunken voices.

"Would you be quiet. We don't want to wake Timmy" Shannon slurred as he tripped over his own two feet, falling into Tomo before the two of them crashed into the wall beside them.

"It's a bit too late for that…Timmy is already up" Tim announced grabbing onto the two before they hit the floor. "Jesus Christ Shannon just look at you" He scolded the older man as he steered Tomo towards the couch, pushing him without any effort onto it before leading Shannon towards the bedroom. "You stay" He demanded of Tomo when he heard him attempt to get up. "I'll be back to deal with you in a minute"

"Just leave me alone" Shannon tried to break free of the hold his lover had upon him, failing miserably and giving up when it only grew tighter. He didn't put up any fight whatsoever when his clothing was removed and he was put to bed like a young child. He watched through blurry eyes as Tim sat on the bed beside him, pushing his sweaty hair off of his face. "Why don't you love me anymore?" He asked the unstable figure before him, unable to see the look of shock and hurt that crossed his face as he fell into a deep sleep.

Tim's heart broke in two as he leaned forward and kissed Shannon's sweaty forehead. "The problem is that I love you too much Shannon" He spoke softly to the passed out man before getting up and leaving to tend to the other drunkard in the house. "You dumb ass" He whispered as he hovered above Tomo, who had stretched himself out across the couch before passing out. "I hope you were able to talk some sense into your best friend" He continued before making his way back to the room he shared with Shannon.

When he woke up the next morning the bed was empty, once again causing worry to set in. "Shannon" He called out down the hallway as he went in search of the man, finding the couch void of Tomo as well. "Fuck…" He cried out as he turned back down the hallway for a shower, his mind a whirling mess of what was about to happen next between him and the man that he loved. He had hoped that the shower would help to clear his cluttered mind but it only seemed to make it worse. He knew why Shannon was angry with him and could even understand it and yet he couldn't help but feel pissed off about the fact that Shannon wouldn't even try to understand why he was so fearful of no longer keeping them a secret.

"Where the hell have you been?" He blurted out an hour later when Shannon walked into the apartment, pretending that he hadn't seen Tim sitting in wait for him on the same couch Tomo had passed out on earlier. "So what…you're just going to ignore me now?" He asked, jumping up as he followed Shannon down the hallway. "Answer me dammit" He demanded when he still hadn't received a reply.

"I took Tomo home and then I went for a walk on the beach…ok?" Shannon leered as he turned quickly to face the man behind him, shooting him an evil look before turning back. "Now I am going to take a shower…maybe find something to eat afterwards. If you want to know the rest of my itinerary then you will have to check back with me later" He called out over his shoulder as he entered the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it loudly behind him.

Tears prickled Tim's eyes as he stared at the locked door, forcing them away as he turned and headed for the kitchen. Without thought or mind he set the coffee pot to brew, scrambling up some eggs and toast, cursing himself internally when a couple of stray tears bled from his eyes. He brushed them away the moment he heard Shannon trample angrily into the kitchen, placing the toast on a plate before placing it on the table. "I made some breakfast…in case you might be hungry" He spoke, refusing to look at Shannon as he turned back to the eggs cooking on the stove.

"I'm sorry…" He heard Shannon whisper against his ear as two arms reached around his waist, pulling their bodies taunt. "I'm really really sorry" Shannon repeated, lying his chest against Tim's back.

"I know…me too" Tim replied sadly, his head hanging in shame and regret, not speaking for a moment as he drew in a deep breath. "I really do love you Shannon and I'm not embarrassed by you" He whispered, closing his eyes at the way that Shannon nuzzled his back with his nose, his arms tightening around his waist.

"I know" He felt the words more the heard them as Shannon continued to hold him, only pulling back when the smell of burst eggs filled the room.

"Fuck…" Tim cried out as he pulled the frying pan off of the stove, tossing the burnt mess into the sink.

"It's ok" Shannon forced a laugh as he stepped back when Tim turned to face him.

"Is it?" Tim asked, not liking the look of darkness that crossed over Shannon's face. "Because I don't think that it is"

"It's ok…" Shannon lied, sitting down at the table as he picked at a piece of toast and began playing with it.

"Sure…right" Tim responded with a bit of anger behind his words as he attempted to walk past Shannon, but thought better of it as he turned back to face what he feared to be his soon to be ex lover. "You know Shannon if you have some fucking thing to say then just say it or is this how things are going to be between us now?"

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe I am just afraid" Shannon replied with his own anger.

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid that you're not telling your family is just a sign of what is to come"

"What does that mean?" Tim asked in confusion as he continued to stand before Shannon, who refused to even look at him.

"Of what do you think?" Shannon asked, jumping up and walking towards the other end of the kitchen. "It's like I just keep waiting for the day that you come to me and tell me that you don't want to be with me anymore. That the idea of being with…of loving a man sickens you. It's not like this hasn't happened before" Shannon reminded, his heart breaking at the look of shock and hurt that covered Tim's face at his words.

"You're never going to let me live that down are you?" Tim asked through the tears that he had finally allowed to flow. "I fucked up Shannon" He cried out, gripping onto the chair that Shannon had just exited. "I got scared and I slept with a woman…but Jesus Christ that was a year and a half ago. You told me that you forgave me…you told me that it was over and we would never talk about it again. I love you Shannon…what can I do to prove to you that those words are true…and besides will it even matter if I tell my family because it seems to me that no matter what you will always wonder when I will run off and leave you"

Shannon didn't say anything as he watched Tim storm out of the kitchen, his entire body flinching when the front door was slammed shut and he was left alone to remember one of the hardest times in his life. It was six months into their new relationship and Shannon was happier then he had ever been in his lifetime. He had finally fallen in love and despite a bumpy beginning everything seemed to be going his way. That however, came to a crashing halt one night as Shannon paid an unexpected visit to his new boyfriend's apartment and found him fucking some random woman he had picked up at a club earlier that night. Shannon had been devastated and avoided Tim like the plague afterwards, drowning himself in the drink night after night until his brother had had enough. It was then that Jared literally knocked some sense into the two of them one afternoon during a recording session, threatening to fire them both if they didn't work things out. It was another couple of days before Shannon got up the nerve to go back to Tim's place and after nearly twenty four hours of yelling, screaming and accusations he decided to give that man that he still loved another chance. Tim had admitted that he was scared of how quickly their relationship had blossomed, but most importantly he was still petrified about the fact that he was in love with a man. It had been a rocky re-start, but eventually they had worked things out enough that Tim had asked Shannon to move in with him a few months later. Shannon had been reluctant internally, but he never let Tim know that and as he sat alone in the empty kitchen he wish that he had because apparently years later the fear was still there.

Needing to talk to someone he called the only person her knew that he could. "What's up loser?" He heard Tomo laugh as he answered the phone. "Shannon?" There was an edge of concern to his voice when Shannon didn't speak. "I take it that it didn't go so well after you got back this morning?" He asked, already knowing the answer by the silence he received. "I don't get it yesterday you were ready to sail across the moon, ready to spend the rest of your life with him and now…what?"

"What is a good question" Shannon finally spoke up, rubbing his shaved head in frustration. "Because I have no idea anymore. I thought I was over what happened with that women years ago but I guess I was fooling myself because honestly I have been waiting for him to tell me that he doesn't want to be with men anymore…in turn not wanting to be with me"

"You're being retarded Shannon" Tomo replied. "Tim loves you. There isn't a person that has seen the two of you together that doesn't believe that…even the ones that don't know your big secret can see that there is something special there. You're mad because he's keeping you and he a secret and yet I happen to know that you have a secret or two that you are keeping from him"

"My life is an open book" Shannon boasted, preparing to curse his best friend into the next day. "Tim knows everything there is to know about me"

"Oh really…does he know that you and I were once lovers?" Tomo asked, proving his point when Shannon went dead silent. "Thought so. I don't see how you can be so mad at Tim for keeping one little secret when you yourself have one as well"

"It's different Tomo and you know it" Shannon defended.

"It's not different Shan…and you know it" Tomo responded in agitation. "Keep this shit up and you will lose the man that you love. Jesus Shannon…I understand why you are upset but did you stop to think about how this is upsetting Tim. He gave up his straightness to be with you…doesn't that account for anything?"

He didn't give Tomo another chance to speak as he heard Tim enter their apartment. "I have to go" He blurted out before hanging up the phone. "Hey…" He spoke as Tim entered the living room, tossing his keys onto a nearby coffee table.

"Hey…" He responded with no real emotion behind it as he waited to see what or if Shannon had anything else to say. With a heavy hearted sigh he proceeded to exit that room, stopping only when he heard Shannon call out to him.

"Tim…come here…please" Shannon asked softly as he got up off of the chair he had been sitting on, walking over towards the couch as he waited for Tim to come talk to him. "We need to talk"

Tim felt his heart dip into his stomach at those words as he walked slowly towards the couch, standing before Shannon before he indicated for him to sit down. The air was tense as neither spoke for a moment, Tim fiddling with his hands nervously as they laid in his lap, Shannon watching his lover for a moment before speaking. "We can't keep doing this Shannon" Tim finally spoke up, cutting Shannon off before he had the chance. "We can't keep getting pissed off at each other and then storming off. It doesn't solve anything and only makes things worse" He said, locking his eyes on beautiful hazel ones that had haunted him from the moment he had joined the band.

"I know…" Shannon replied, reaching out and taking Tim's hands into his own.

"So what do we do from here? I can't change what I did in the past and I can't tell my father about you…not yet and you seem so sure that I am going to leave you because of your manly status. And well…I just don't know what to do or say to make your change your mind and prove to you that I'm not. I can't help but wonder if we can move past this…because I don't know if we can. Can we move past this?" His breath held as Shannon seemed to be contemplating his words.

"I'm sorry…." He responded truthfully as he let out a breath, ignoring Tim's important question. "I shouldn't have brought what happened in the past up. I should have just left it there instead of adding to an already upsetting issue"

"Why…it's apparently how you feel" Tim replied, pulling away from Shannon because he didn't like the way that the conversation was going.

"But it's not how I feel…not all the time" Shannon bit out in irritation at himself and at Tim who pulled even further away from him. "The truth is that I hadn't thought about that night in a long time but with your father coming and other thing it just got me to thinking about it again"

"Other things?" Tim asked, curiously.

"It doesn't matter. All that matters is that I love you Tim" He reached over and took Tim's hands again, scooting across the couch so they were sitting knee to knee. "I love you" He repeated as he gazed into Tim's eyes to prove the truth to his words. "But I can't lie to you and say that I don't hate the fact that you want to keep me a big secret from your friends and family. It hurts you know?" He dropped his line of sight because he didn't want the man that he loved to see the pure truth in his eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you Shannon because I love you so much…but I'm so fucking scared" He sniffled as he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Shannon's neck.

"If your friends and your family love you Tim…then they should be happy that you found someone to love…to make you happy" Shannon replied against the trembling mans ear as he continued to cling to him. "Are you really so afraid that you think that they will hurt you?" He asked, pulling back, his breath catching at the fearful look he saw in Tim's eyes.

"I'm not afraid for me Shannon…I'm afraid for you"

"Afraid for me?" Shannon repeated in confusion, the look of wide eyed fear in Tim's eyes beginning to really haunt him.

"Shannon...I wasn't kidding when I told you the other night that my father is the biggest homophobe on the planet…but what I didn't tell you was that he nearly killed a man because of who he was" Tim began, pushing himself off of the couch as he moved over towards the living room window. "It was this guy who used to work with him. He was gay and proud and would let anyone and everyone know that he was. My father hated him from day one and would taunt him at work and then boast about it at home. He then started doing things to him…small things that could never be tracked back to him and when the man confronted him…he lost it. The man called him a closeted homosexual and that sent my father over the edge. He beat that man within an inch of his life. He was arrested…but the charges were dropped for some reason. I never knew why or how he got off...but he did and his hatred for anything gay has only worsened with time. Now do you see why I am so fucking scared for him to know about you? I don't give a shit that he knows that I am in love with you. I'm just so fucking petrified that he's going to hurt you…or even worse" Tears bled from his eyes as he turned to face the man sitting speechless on the couch, his tears increasing dramatically when Shannon bound across the room, engulfing him within his arms before kissing the very breath from his lungs.

"I love you so much" He spoke winded once the need for air forced him apart. "I am so fucking sorry that you had to deal with that…but I just fucking love you so much more then I every thought possible right now" He grinned sadly, pulling Tim forward as they lie forehead to forehead. "I don't want you to worry about this anymore ok?" He asked as he pulled back slightly. "I understand and we can work something out. I can move in with Jared for a while or we can pretend that we are only roommates…anything that you want baby. I'm so sorry for hurting you and forcing you to relive that. You must be scared out of your fucking mind about your father finding out about you"

"I'm more scared of what he will do to you if he found out about you and what you mean to me" Tim hiccupped, pulling Shannon closer because he needed to feel him in the worst kind of way. "I couldn't bare it if he hurt you and I am utterly petrified that he would"

A week later…

"Would you calm down already" Shannon called out after the retreating figure pacing a hole in the carpet before him.

"This was such a bad idea" Tim spun around to face his lover before turning back to his pacing. "A very bad idea" He murmured to himself in dire need of a cigarette.

"Baby…it's going to be ok" Shannon assured, although he wasn't so sure himself. "We have our story straight and besides it's only going to be for a week. We can do this" He smiled bravely at the taller man, pulling him into his arms. "Oh and in case I don't get to say this to you anytime soon…I love you" He smiled, closing his eyes as he nuzzled Tim's neck.

"I love you too Shan" Tim pulled back with his own smile before leaning in and kissing Shannon sweetly before crushing him once again against his body. Ten minutes later the doorbell rang and Tim knew that his life was never going to be the same again.

Shannon watched as the man that he loved greeted his father and his wife and yet despite the fact that they had a plan to keep them from finding out about the two of them, he still felt uneasy and frightened to his very core. He hated feeling that way, hated the idea of leaving his lover with the dreadful couple alone for a week, but he knew that he had to in order to keep their stories straight. With fake smile in place introductions were made as he fought the urge to stand besides his partner and hold him, kiss him, anything to prove his love for Tim. "I'll get it" He smiled falsely again at the sound of the doorbell afterwards as they sat in the living room in uncomfortable silence. "Hey…" He greeted his brother with no real enthusiasm at all.

"Hey…" Jared greeted his older brother uneasily, hating the way that Tim's family coming was affecting him. "You ok?" He whispered as they huddled in the hallway.

"No…I hate the idea of leaving him here with them for a whole week" He replied in a hushed tone. Thankful that Jared had come up with am idea to go camping just the two of them in order to get him out of the house but also still hating the fact that he was not only leaving Tim, but leaving him with such hateful family.

"Well we can just forget this trip and go another time"

"No…it's best that we go. I don't want to risk getting him in trouble with his family. It would be so hard to be so close to him and not be able to touch him or kiss him…you know?"

"Yeah bro…I know"

"Let's just get this over with" Shannon sighed putting on another fake smile before entering the living room with Jared walking behind him. Once again introductions were made before Shannon excused him self to the bathroom, giving Tim a look that begged him to go there as well. Shannon had Tim plastered to the wall, his lips latching onto his lips the moment he entered the room and the door was shut. "What are they doing?" He asked once they needed to break apart.

"Jared is entertaining them with one of his many long winded stories. Who would have thought that one day they would come in handy? They should be preoccupied for a bit longer. Wonder what we can do to fill up that time" He giggled, finding his lips once again covered by the man that he loved with his entire heart and soul. "You better go…" He replied sadly when once again the need to breathe out weighed the need to kiss. "Please be careful out there with Jared. Don't let any bears eat you or anything" He grinned, closing his eyes and relishing the warmth of Shannon's body as they pressed tightly together. "Try and come back to me in one piece"

"I will baby" Shannon assured, pulling his lover even tighter within his arms. "Just promise me that you'll be careful as well. I'm so fucking scared that something is going to happen to you while I am gone and…" He couldn't finish his sentence as all sorts of horrible images began to invade his mind. "I just love you so much Tim…don't forget that ok?"

"I love you too Shannon…love you too" He whispered against the mans ear, jerking apart as a round of loud laughter could be heard from the living room. "That's our cue" He smiled sadly at the shorter man. "Love you…" He whispered again as he stepped completely out of Shannon's arms, slipping out into the hallway without another word spoken.

Two days later…

"This is fucking unbelievable" Jared roared in anger as he and Shannon sat huddled together under their tent, a hard rain beating down upon it. "The weather forecast didn't predict anything like this. I hate to say this bro…but if this keeps up like this we're not going to worry about climbing down the mountain…were gonna be floating down the mountain.

"I know your right. Lets see if it dies down any and then we can pack up" Shannon responded as he fiddled with his cell phone. "At least once we get to the bottom I can finally call Tim and see how everything's going"

"You're just so fucking cute like this" Jared teased, ruffling his older brother's hair before jerking his hand back, howling with laughter. "Tim has changed you in ways that I never thought possible" He grinned, noticing the hint of red covering Shannon's cheeks.

"Fuck off…" Shannon replied, hating the fact that his was blushing like a little girl.

"Seriously Shannon I think it's wonderful. I mean…Tim's good for you. I still can't believe that it's because of him that you gave up your rock star, fuck em and leave em ways"

"Yeah…he's pretty special" Shannon spoke softly, his face reddening even more.

"So are you still planning on making it official and all?"

"I am" He spoke louder, a smile gracing his face as he did. "I'm going to ask him on Christmas morning. I'm going to make it so perfect for him that he won't even think about saying no"

"Like he would say no in the first place" Jared's grin matched that of his brother. "You two are so perfect together"

"We've had a few rough patches"

"Yes…but the difference from most couple's gay or straight is that you always work through them…no matter what. He's your perfect match Shannon and you have no fucking idea how jealous I am about it" His laughter died down a bit, but his smile still remained true.

"You'll have one as well Jared…you just have to take the time to find her…or him if the case may be"

"No thanks…I've tried love before and all it did was kick me in the fucking balls. I won't ever go through that again" He growled, recalling a time years before hand when he thought he had found his one true love, only to have it and him fall apart at the very seams several years later.

"You can't live in fear of love forever Jared"

"It's not fear…its self preservation"

"It's called not willing to take a chance on someone that could possibly make your life so fucking much better. Hell…for all you know Tomo could be that very person…if you would only stop treating him like a one night stand whenever the urge to fuck hits"

"Drop it Shannon. Tomo has known were I stand from the first time he and I have fucked"

"Things change Jared…you've changed. You may want to talk the big talk about hating love and never wanting to pursue it…but I've seen the way that you look at Tomo when you think he's not looking. I know you feel for him more then you let on but you are so fucking scared of what one stupid former lover has done to you, that you could lose it all before you even had another chance"

"The rain has stopped, let's pack up and get the fuck off of this mountain. I think that the high altitude has started to fuck with your brain" Jared didn't give Shannon a chance to speak before unzipping the opening of the tent and escaping into the stormy outdoors. They didn't speak the entire trip back to Jared's house, Jared locking himself in his room the moment that they arrived. With a heavy hearted sigh Shannon made his way towards his former bedroom, shutting the door softly behind him before lying across the bed. "Hey baby…" He smiled, his heart squeezing at the sound of Tim's voice across the line. "Got rained out…so I'm now going to be staying at Jared's. How's everything going over there?"

"Oh Jesus…you're back in town" Tim cried out giddily, cursing himself for his over exuberance when his father and his wife turned to look at him curiously. "I can't take much more of this" He continued under his breath. "Did you know that my father's wife is pregnant? She's barely fucking legal and she's pregnant with his kid. It's all I've heard about from her the moment that you left and he treats her as if she is going to break. I've had all these wonderful things planned for us to do and he won't even think about it because of it. I'm going out of my mind Shannon. They came all the way to California and the most they've seen of it is the pool. I'm coming over there. I need a small break and I miss you so fucking much"

"It' can't be that bad" Shannon laughed, his heart swelling at the idea of seeing his lover again. "And I fucking miss you too"

"She won't leave me alone. She talks all the fucking time. I even think that she's suspicious of us"

"What…why would you say that?" Shannon asked sitting forward in fear.

"The other day she asked me why it was that the room they are staying in is so dusty. She went on and one about the fact that it's supposed to be your room and it looks like no one has stayed in it for years" He replied to his lover, turning away from the pool area when his father and his wife began to make out before him. "She's also been asking as to why you are living with me when she knows that your movie star brother lives in a big house. You should see the looks she gives me…it's like she knows"

Has she said anything to your father about it?" Shannon asked in a huff, terrified as he waited for Tim to answer.

"I don't think so…he hasn't said anything about it" Tim responded quickly because he knew what Shannon was thinking. "I don't know her that well…but I don't think that she would tell my father even if she knew"

"You don't know that for sure" Shannon responded briskly.

"No…you're right I don't…but I have a feeling that we can trust her. Don't worry baby I am sure that everything will be fine. I'm going to come up with an excuse and sneak away. I'll see you in a little bit. I love you" Tim ended the conversation, nearly jumping out of his skin when he turned around and found his father's wife standing in front of him. "Jesus make some noise or something" He said snidely, placing his phone on the table before getting up. "I have to go out for a bit…something that I have to take care of. Will you and my pop be ok until I get back?" He asked, not waiting for an answer as he walked over towards his father still wading in the shallow end of the pool. "Hey pop…" He called out, kneeling down beside him. "I have to leave for a little while…but how about we go out for dinner when I get back"

"Where are you going?" His father asked, eyeing his wife as she picked his sons cell phone from off of the table before turning his attention back to Tim.

"Jared asked me to check on his place from time to time while he was gone. It's been two days so I really should get my ass over there and at least get the mail" He lied, forcing a smile to stay off of his face at the idea of what was really waiting for him there.

"Ok…but don't take too long. Missy is eating for two and you know she's always hungry" He laughed, smiling up at his wife as she walked over beside his son.

"Don't forget this" She smiled widely at him, handing him the phone before diving into the water.

Tim didn't know why, but for some reason that smile alone sent a cold chill racing down his spine.

He forgot all his fears the moment that the front door to Jared's house was open and he found the man who had captured his heart so many years before hand grinning before him. "Jesus you're a sight for sore eyes" He heard Shannon exclaim as he grabbed his hand and pulled him into the hallway.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you" Tim replied, closing his eyes as he wrapped his body around his lover, reacquainting himself with his scent and his feel. "I'm sorry you got rained out…but Jesus I'm so happy that you are here" No more words were spoken as the two shared a loving kiss, breaking apart when they were beginning to feel a bit faint from lack of air.

"Wow…if you missed me this much after only two days…what are you going to do if it's a month or more?" Shannon chuckled as he and Tim made their way over towards the couch.

"Lock you in chains in the bedroom…or you are going to take me with you. Either one is fine with me" Tim smiled, snuggling into Shannon as an arm was snaked around his neck.

"I am kind of partial to the first one" Shannon winked at his lover, laughing out loud when his back met the cushions of the couch by a pouncing Tim.

"Kinky…one of the many things that I love about you" Tim laughed as well, stretching his lanky frame across Shannon's as they began to make out like love starved teenagers.

Neither knew they had an audience of one as Jared sat in the middle of the steps watching the entire scene. He felt his heart ache to find love like his brother and Tim had, his mind and his heart screaming for him to get over his stupidity. ***Tomo*** His mind screamed louder, images of the man that he was secretly in love with whirling past him in a rush. Shaking his head he quickly cleared the images as he once again laid eyes on the two lounging on the couch, whispering words of love and devotion to each other. With a deep sigh he pulled himself upwards, escaping to his room once again leaving the lovers alone with there private time. Back and forth he paced his room, phone in hand as he talked himself into and then out of calling the man he wanted to speak to more then he wanted to breath. "Fuck it…" He cried out to the empty room as he dialed the familiar number, his heart racing, hands sweating as he waited for the line to be picked up.

"Hey sexy…" He heard Tomo purr into the phone, his dick twitching from those two simple words.

"Um…hey" He replied nervously, growing silent afterwards because he had to clue what to say.

"Everything ok?" Tomo asked with concern when Jared didn't speak another word.

"Yeah…fine" Jared lied, wiping his hands on his jeans as he held the phone with his shoulder and neck. "Fuck…" He called out when it slipped to the floor with a loud thud. "Hold on…" He scampered for it, kicking it with his big toe as he once again cried out, this time in pain. "Jesus fuck" He finally picked up the phone and placed it back to his ear. "Sorry…"

"J…you ok?" Tomo asked again, really concerned about his friend and part time lover.

"Yeah…fine" He lied again as he took a deep breath. "Um…hey…would you like to go out tonight?" He blurted out in one long sentence, his heart squeezing in fear when Tomo hadn't spoken right away.

"Like on a date?" Tomo asked in confusion, yet so hopeful at the same time.

"Date…what…no…yes...a date…yes" Jared once again blurted out a rush of words he knew made no sense at all. "You know what forget it…it was a stupid idea anyway"

"What…taking me out on a date is stupid?" Tomo teased to hide his hurt and disappointment.

"No…not a stupid idea at all" Jared replied softly, holding onto the phone so tightly his fingers started to ache.

"So you want to take me out on a date…a real date?" Tomo asked hope springing once again.

"Yes…" Jared whispered again.

"I'd love to" Tomo smiled wide, despite the fact that he knew Jared couldn't see it. "What time will you be picking me up?"

"Eight?" Jared asked hesitantly, unable to fathom what was really happening.

"I'll be waiting" Tomo smiled again before hanging up.

"Holy shit…" Jared spoke again to the empty room, falling backwards onto his bed as reality hit. "Fuck…what are you doing Jared?" He asked himself arms stretched out at his sides, a smile crossing his face at the realization.

"This is nice" Tim sighed in contentment as he and Shannon continued to lie together on the couch.

"Very nice" Shannon concurred as he lazily ran his fingers up and down Tim's back. "Tim…" He spoke up, hating to break the moment but knowing that their time together was growing short.

"Hmmm…" Tim responded lazily.

"You should probably be getting back…as much as I hate for you to leave" He sighed in defeat as he sat the two of them up. "I just don't want your father to get suspicious or anything"

"I know…" Tim whined, eyes closed as he leaned into Shannon even more, hating the fact that he would have to leave him. "Just a few more minutes" He sighed, snuggling even deeper as a feeling of sleepiness began to over come him. "I'm so fucking tired Shan. I can't sleep without you lying beside me and who would of thought that I would miss your fucking snoring" He laughed out loud when Shannon poked him playfully in the side.

"You think I didn't miss you" Shannon smiled wide, enjoying the warm buzz surrounding him as he continued to hold his lover. "Try sleeping with Jared, who not only snores like a buzz saw but he fucking sings in his sleep too...and badly I might add"

"What?" Tim laughed, sitting up as he looked at Shannon. "He sings in his sleep?"

"Oh fucking Christ not this story again" Jared bellowed as he took that exact moment to enter the living room. "I don't fucking sing in my sleep" He defended himself, swatting at his brother as he walked by the couch. "And I never fucking sing badly"

"Give me a second" Shannon winked at Tim as he got up and went in search of his cell phone. "I have proof' He called out from the hallway returning a moment later with a shit eating grin upon his face. "I couldn't sleep last night and you well…let the recording speak for itself" Pressing the play button he could barely control the laughter threatening to bubble up from inside him as they all listened to Jared's sleeping self sing a very off key version of "A beautiful lie"

"Holy shit Jay you sound like a dying moose" Tim laughed, jumping up off of the couch when Jared hurled a throw pillow at him. "Ok…all kidding aside I have to get back to my family" His smile disappeared as he flipped Jared the bird in goodbye and walked with Shannon into the hallway. "Four fucking days and counting" He moaned, as he and Shannon stood by the front door. "I fucking hate this" He whined, wrapping his long arms around Shannon's frame as they shared a quick hug. "I love you"

"Love you too Timmy" Shannon mustered a smile before they shared a loving kiss. "See you in a few days and know this…that once I get back home we won't be leaving it for a week or more" He winked kissing Tim quickly one more time before he headed for his car.

"So what do you want to do tonight oh brother of mine?" Shannon joked, trying to lift his spirits as he plopped down on the couch again.

"You have to fend for yourself" Jared replied quickly, getting up and walking towards the kitchen. "I have a date"

"A date" Shannon exclaimed, running after his brother. "We just got home. How the hell did you make a date so fast?"

"I am Jared Leto…I can get a date anytime that I want" He grinned at Shannon, trying to sidestep him, but unable to at the hand on his arm.

"Ok Mr. Leto…who is this woman?" He asked.

"It's not a woman" He spoke under his breath.

"Not a woman…then who is it?" Shannon grinned evilly, hopeful that his stupid sibling had finally gotten the nerve to take the next step with his best friend.

"None of your fucking business" He rushed out, knowing that he was defeated by the evil smirk Shannon was throwing his way, before the two of them were wrestling on the kitchen floor.

"You finally did it. You finally got your head out of your ass and asked him out. About fucking time" Shannon puffed as the wrestling continued until they were both panting and near exhaustion. "I'm really am happy for you Jared" Shannon smiled, pulling his brother off of the floor after hefting himself up. "Tomo's a great guy and he's just as crazy about you as you are of him"

"Really?" Jared questioned, hating the sound of hopefulness expelling from his words.

"Yep really" Shannon grinned, putting Jared in a headlock as he dragged him into the living room. "Well have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't do" He sang over his shoulder as he ran up the stairs for a much needed nap.

"That shouldn't be too hard since you're a fucking man whore" Jared called out after him, smiling at the resounding "FUCK YOU" he heard before Shannon's bedroom door was slammed shut. He knew that he was going to pay for that comment later, but he brushed it aside as he decided to take a nap as well before his date with Tomo.

"Are you ok?" Tim heard his father ask his wife for what felt like the millionth time since they had entered the restaurant. Rolling his eyes he downed the rest of his beer, signaling the waiter for another with his eyes, wishing that Shannon was there to help keep him company. He still found it hard to believe that they had been together for two years already and that despite a rocky start and a few bumps in the road that he was more in love with Shannon then he ever thought possible. He'd never been so happy in his life and despite Shannon's concerns about leaving him eventually because he was a man, he knew deep within his heart that he would never leave the older man. He craved him, when they weren't together, couldn't get enough of him when they were. Shannon was his everything and that thought alone unbeknownst to him caused a huge smile to cover his face. "What are you grinning at?" His father questioned him, his mind racing to come up with a cover story good enough.

"I was just thinking about the baby" He spoke a half lie, because in truth he really was intrigued about his soon to be step brother or sister. "I don't think you've told me if it's a boy or a girl yet"

"It's too soon to tell" His father's wife replied, rubbing her slightly swollen stomach. "I want a little girl that I can dress up and spoil rotten…but of course your father wants a little boy. He can't stop talking about it" She laughed loudly, causing Tim to flinch from the shrill of it. Thankfully the waiter took that exact time to bring him his beer before taking their orders.

"Hey isn't that your friend Jared?" Tim's father asked a while later as they continued to eat their meal in silence. "I thought you said he was out of town and who is that with him?"

"He and Shannon had to come back early due to some bad weather. They were already home when I got to Jared's place today and Shannon's decided to stay with Jared so we can have some quality family time" Tim replied quickly, cursing the fates for bringing Jared and Tomo into the same restaurant they were eating in. "The person he's with is Tomo" He grinned as he watched Jared pull Tomo's chair out, a nervous look upon his face. "He's the other member of our band" He grinned, watching some more as Jared's nervousness seemed to grow with each second that passed. ***Good for him. He finally got his head out of his ass*** He thought to himself, smiling even more as Tomo placed his hand upon Jared's, the touch seeming to calm him.

"You'd think by the way that they are acting that they are more then just band mates" His father snorted, eyeing the two who were completely oblivious to being watched.

"Oh lord, not this again" The pregnant women cried out, slamming her water glass on the table.

"What? You know what I think about shit like that. It's disgusting and wrong and I don't want to fucking see it when I am trying to eat" His voice got louder, Tim slinking down in his seat when it seemed the entire restaurant turned to stare at the person causing the outburst, including Tomo and Jared..

"Yes…we all know what you think about IT" She emphasized the word as she turned to look at Tim for support. "Has he always been like this?" She asked, regretting the question at the deer in the headlights look she received from her husband's son. "Never mind…can we just enjoy our meal and not worry about what might or might not be going on around us"

"Great now the fucking fairies are coming over here" His father ignored his wife's remark as Tomo and Jared walked over towards the table.

"Hey man…surprised to see you here" Jared smiled at everyone at the table, noticing the look of contempt he received from Tim's father in reply and the look of apology he got from Tim.

"Hey…" Tim replied slowly, a burning in his stomach beginning to make him feel ill. "Jared you remember my father and his wife right?" He didn't give Jared a chance to speak before turning his attention to Tomo. "Tomo…my father and his wife" He introduced them, giving Jared a look that he hoped said ***Run for your lives***

"Tim says that you're in the band too" Tim's father directed his question at Tomo, eyes narrowed as he took in the scraggly looking man.

"Yep…been involved with them for years" Tomo smiled, oblivious to the tension around them.

"You also involved with this one?" The older man blurted out, his eyes fixed evilly between Jared and Tomo.

"Excuse me?" Tomo rushed out, not liking the look or the tone that he was receiving.

"Nothing…" Tim cut in, sitting up further as he placed pleading eyes upon Tomo, but knowing that he was for not at the storm clouds of anger rolling across his friends face.

"I said are you and this pretty princess involved with each other?" Tim's father snided again, standing up in order to intimidate the man.

"Tomo…its cool man. Let's just get out of here" Jared, tried to stop the train wreck he knew was coming, remembering what Shannon had told him about Tim's father before hand.

"If you're speaking of Jared and not that it's any of your fucking business…yes I am" Tomo ignored his lover, as he stepped past Jared and stood before Tim's very angry father. "You have a problem with that" He didn't know why he was so defensive, he'd never been so before but as hate filled eyes continued to bore into him, he found himself only getting more and more so.

"Yes I have a fucking problem you fucking pansy ass" The entire restaurant heard the man roar, his fist connecting with the younger mans face before anyone had a chance to do anything. Utter chaos erupted after that as Tim and several other restrained the older of the two, Jared and his wife attending to Tomo who sat on the floor bleeding from the nose and in a full daze.

Shannon was in his own daze as he sped down the dark streets, his heart beating a mile a minute as he recalled the phone call he had received from his brother mere moments before hand. "Tomo's in the emergency room and Tim's father has been arrested for putting him there" He didn't know what to make of it. On one hand he was worried about Tomo, but he was more worried about Tim, promising Jared that he would be at the emergency room as soon as he could, having to check on his lover who was stuck at the jail house where he father was housed.

"Tim" He cried out when he spotted his boyfriend pacing a long hallway as he entered the building.

"I'm so sorry Shannon" Tim spoke sadly as he turned to face the man that he loved, afraid of Shannon's reaction to what had happened. "We were just having dinner and then he saw Jared and Tomo and…" Tears dotted his cheeks as they fell from his eyes, closing them tightly when Shannon wrapped his warmth around him.

"Hey…it's not your fault" Shannon assured, hugging Tim tightly, relieved that he seemed to be ok. "Are you ok? Did he hurt you?" He rushed out, pulling back enough, but not losing full contact as he eyed him from head to foot.

"No…he didn't touch me" He sniffled, closing his eyes tightly when Shannon hugged him close again. "How's Tomo?" He asked, sitting down on a nearby chair when Shannon finally pulled away.

"Broken nose and two black eyes" Shannon responded, ignoring the curious looks they were receiving from the busy station. "I hate to say this but I am glad that he pressed charges against your father" He spoke truthfully, intertwining his fingers with Tim's. "He has to be shown that he can't keep doing shit like this to people"

"I know and I agree" Tim replied, misery laced his voice as he leaned forward, lying his head upon Shannon's shoulder. "I just don't know what to do" He sighed, grateful that Shannon didn't seem to be holding a grudge of any sort. "I want to let him rot in jail for what he did…but he's my father and if I do that there will be so much hell to pay"

"You're doing the right thing by bailing him out" Shannon assured his lover, a bitter battle brewing deep within him at what he truly wanted to say about Tim's homophobic father. "Where's his wife?" He asked when he scanned the area and found it void of the pregnant women.

"One of the female officers took her to the bathroom to clean up. When my father punched Tomo…he knocked into the table and she ended up taking a bath in both of our drinks" He explained, snuggling deeper into Shannon's shoulder, once again grateful that Shannon was holding no grudges when a strong and comforting arm was placed around his shoulders. "You're not upset with me are you?" He had to ask, hating that he sounded weak and unsure.

"No baby…I'm not upset with you" Shannon assured as he forced Tim to look at him. "I'm just so fucking worried about you…worried that your fucking crazy ass father will do something to hurt you…because I don't know what I would do if he did"

"I love you so much Shannon Leto" Tim whispered against Shannon's ear, forgetting where they were and why they were there for a moment as he leaned in and kissed the man he loved like no other, soundly on the lips.

"I love you too" Shannon replied under his breath, ducking his head at the looks they were receiving once again. "Now cut that out before you fully out us" He warned gently, a smile gracing his face as he did. "I better get to the emergency room and check on Tomo and Jared" He hated to leave his lover, but he knew that it was a bad idea to be there when Tim's father was released, because he wasn't sure what he would have done once he saw the hateful man. "I want you to be careful and I want you to fucking call me if he starts to act hateful to you. Walk me to my car?" He asked, not waiting for an answer as he stood up, taking Tim's hand as they walked out of the station, each oblivious that they had a follower as well. "Just please promise me that you'll be careful Tim" Shannon spoke again once they reached his car. "I hate the idea that you have to stay in the same place as your father. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you and…"

"Hey…I'll be ok" Tim cut his lover off, his heart full of love at the concern Shannon felt for him. "I'll call you first if anything out of the ordinary happens. I love you baby" He whispered, wrapping his arms around the shorter man, not wanting to ever leave the warm protectiveness of him again.

"Love you too" Shannon concurred; tilting his head back as they shared a passionate kiss before Shannon reluctantly got into his car and drove off.

"I knew it" Three little words that caused Tim's heart to stop dead in his chest as he turned to face his father's grinning wife. "I knew you two were more then just friends. There were just too many signs for you not to be" She went on, Tim's world beginning to spin madly as he grabbed onto a nearby meter for support. "Shit…" He heard the women cry out as she rushed towards him. "You don't have to worry Tim…I won't say a word to your father"

"What?" Tim asked stupidly, unsure of what he had heard.

"I said I won't tell you father any of this. I have no idea just how he would react to the idea that his son is with another man. Sorry…" She whispered at the look of horror that Tim shot her way. "Come on…let's go inside and talk. It's going to be a while longer before we can get the asshole released" She smiled as she took Tim's arm and pulled him towards the station. "You really don't have to worry Tim. I promise not to say anything to your father" She assured once again, as she and Tim sat in the lobby of the police station, Tim still not uttering a word. "My sister is gay and it doesn't matter to me if you are gay or not"

"It matters to him" Tim replied bitterly.

"You really love him don't you?" She asked, but she knew the answer before he even spoke by the way that Tim's face lit up. "Do you mind if I ask how long the two of you have been together?"

"Two years" Tim answered hesitantly, hoping and praying that he could trust her.

"Wow…two years. My sister's been with her partner for ten years now. They live in Arizona with three kids and two dogs. I love visiting my nieces and nephews" She smiled recalling happy times with her sister and her family. "I miss her so much" She sighed, looking at Tim with a sad look upon her face. "I don't get to see or talk to her as much because of how your father is"

"Why do you stay with him then?" Tim blurted out. "Sorry…none of my business" He apologized.

"I love your father…but I will tell you that I was planning on leaving him before I found out that I was pregnant. His views on the world are so small and closed minded that it scares me some times" She spoke words to her husband's son that she had never spoken to another person before.

"I know…I've had to live with it my entire life" Tim sighed softly, feeling slightly uncomfortable at being so open with the women, but glad to at the same time. "That's why Shannon had to move out of his own home and stay with Jared…because I was just to fucking petrified that my father would find out and do something horrible" A shudder ran down his spine as he spoke those words.

"You can't ever tell him Tim" She spoke up quickly, grasping onto his hands in fear as the man looked up at her. "He would lose all of his senses I am sure and despite the fact that you are his son…I really have no idea what he would do to you…but particularly what he would do to Shannon"

Another shot of fear ran down Tim's spine at her words, it only growing with force as his father took that exact moment to enter the lobby. "Can you fucking believe this" He screamed as loud as he could. "I punch one fucking faggot and I end up in jail…they should be fucking kissing my ass for doing so. Let's get out of here because I am sure this place if full of them as well" Tim didn't say a word as he got up, assisting the pregnant woman up as well before walking ahead of the two of them, mentally counting down until his father would be out of his life once again.

It was another three days of hell, with nothing but his father ranting and raving about how unfair it was that he had been imprisoned. Tim was miserable the entire time, hating to admit to himself how much he had grown to despise his father during their short stay together. The one highlight was that he had in a sense become friends with his father's wife as he shared story after story about he and Shannon. He hated the idea of her having to go back home with the hateful man, but above all he was just so fucking happy at the idea of having his lover back in his own home with him once again that he pushed it to the back of his mind. .

"Promise to keep in touch ok?" The wife smiled with tears in her eyes as he hugged Tim quickly before getting into the waiting car. "Good luck with Shannon" She whispered as Tim knelt before the passenger side door.

"Bye pop…safe trip to the both of you" He spoke to his father, sending her a playful wink as he watched them drive away. Walking back to his apartment, he fished his cell phone out of his pocket and hit the familiar speed dial number. "I'm nearly naked and horny as fucking hell. You've got twenty minutes to get your ass over here or I am starting without you" He said lustfully into the phone, when Shannon picked up, not giving him a chance to speak as he walked into the bedroom, shedding his clothes as he did. "Oh and Shannon…don't kill yourself on the way here" He warned, shutting off the phone, tossing it one the nightstand before heading for the shower. Fifteen minutes later he was lying on the bed in wait of the man he knew was going to fuck him into oblivion.

"Gotta go…" Shannon didn't think twice, ignoring the cries of protest from his brother as he literally sprinted out of the studio they had been working in with only one destination in mind.

"What took you so long" Tim grinned wantonly as he lie naked across their bed, checking the clock beside the bed. "Twenty two minutes…and here I thought you missed me or something"

"Oh I am about to prove to you how much I missed you baby" Shannon announced as he tugged his unnecessary clothing from his body, diving on top of his soon to be lover before capturing his lips in a much needed kiss of re-acquaintance. "Do you believe that I missed you now?" Shannon asked over an hour later as he lie beside Tim, each covered in sweat and near ready to pass out from exhausted lovemaking.

"Fuck yah" Tim responded with content as he snuggled into the warmth of Shannon's body. "Fuck I missed this…missed you" He sighed, unable to stop the smile that graced his lips when Shannon kissed the top of his head, arms tightening around him just the way that he liked it.

"Missed you too Timmy" Shannon replied, himself content and happy as hell to be back home with the man that he loved. Within moments the two were sound asleep, happy, content and clueless to what was about to happen.

"You know you could always have Tim mail you your wallet"

"Are you insane? What happens if I get pulled over for speeding or something? Do you think that the officer will just let me go because I left my wallet in my son's home?"

"Well let me go get it for you then" The pregnant women spoke up, trying to get out of the car before her husband, her heart sinking into her stomach when she noticed Shannon's car parked beside them. "I have to pee anyways"

"Well then go pee while I look for my wallet" He called out over his shoulder as he made his way into the foyer of his sons apartment, mumbling under his breath as to how obnoxious his wife had become since becoming pregnant.

"Honey wait…" She called out after his retreating figure, running as fast as she could to catch up with the wayward man, knowing that nothing good was about to happen. Stopping, she began to root around her purse for her phone, hoping and praying that she could get Tim to answer the phone quick enough.

The ringing cell phone startled the two men, but not enough to break them apart as they continued to lie within each others arms, the bellowing voice they heard next doing the complete opposite. "Tim…" They heard his father cry out, the two of them jumping off of the bed as they went in search of their clothing in a frantic rush.

"Fuck…I thought you said that your father was gone" Shannon asked hurriedly in a whisper, his jeans pulled up his hips as he went in search of his shirt. His breath caught in his throat as he reached for said shirt and found a pair of black dress shoes standing on top of it. His throat constricted as he tried to speak, watching as if in slow motion as a fist came barreling towards his face, several punches hitting his stomach and chest as well as the last thing he heard before falling into darkness was Tim's screaming out his name.

"Pop…NO" Tim cried out, rushing over to push his father off of his unconscious lover, his father still sending blow after blow to his unmoving body. "Shannon…oh my god…wake up Shannon" He cried out, tears bleeding from his eyes at the sickening sight as he knelt before him, trying desperately to waken him.

"Get the fuck away from him" He heard his father scream at him, a blow hitting the side of his face when he didn't do as he was asked. "I told you to get the fuck away from him" He screamed even louder as Tim laid on his side trying to clear the buzzing in his ears as well as his blurring vision. "Tell me what I am seeing it wrong. Tell me that this is not what I think it is or so help me god Timothy you will regret it" The raging man continued to yell, standing over his son.

"I love him" Tim cried out with a painful smile, frightening laughter echoing around them as he looked up into eyes full of so much hate that he knew he was looking dead in the face of evil. "We've been together for two whole years and fucking like jack rabbits whenever we can" He continued to taunt, knowing that he was either about to die or wish that he had by the outrageous look of rage staring back at him, but he didn't care as long as he was detouring the pain and the torture from Shannon.

"No…you're lying. He fucking tricked you…confused you" Tim's father roared, a rage so hot and so deep flooding through his entire body as his son continued to lie on the floor at his feet with a smug smile upon his face.

"He didn't trick or confuse me. I incited everything…our first kiss…the first time we fucked…the…" His words were cut off as fists of fury began to rain all over him. The ringing in his ears grew louder, his vision wavy and blurry in a way that he couldn't make out anything around him. "You can do what you want to me…but you will never change the way that I feel about him. I love him…love him" He watched through bleary eyes as a look of hared and revulsion crossed his father's face, as he began to lose his senses around him. He could have sworn he heard a struggle, heard angered words, but he truly wasn't sure as he teetered on the brink darkness.

"911 emergency service. What is your emergency please" She heard a women speak as she held her cell phone to her ear.

"He's killing them. You need to get here quick" She screamed into the phone as she stood in the living room on the apartment, watching as her husband continued to beat the shit out of his son, his unconscious boyfriend lying almost dead beside them.

"Maam…you need to calm down. Who is killing who? You need to tell me what is going on and the address of where you are right now" The dispatcher spoke briskly into the headset, the sounds of struggle and screams the only reply she received.

The phone hit the floor as she watched Shannon sit up, look around the room before he lunged for the man still towering over his son. Her screams were loud as both men flew to the floor, rolling out into the living room as punch and blows were delivered anywhere possible. The struggle was horrible and ugly as blood and flesh littered the tiny apartment, the pregnant women clueless how to stop it. Unsure what to do next the women ran as fast as she could for the still open door, screaming and banging on any door she could find until someone could help her.

Shannon felt as if he were fighting a five hundred pound grizzly bear as he continued to fight for the life of him and his lover, knowing that in the end it was probably going to end in his death, but he was hopeful that it was not before help arrived to save the man that he loved more then life itself. His energy level depleted, he continued to struggle for as long as he could, before his entire body when limp, a pain so severe ripping though his chest that it literally took his breath away. He heard screams and commotion all around him, but it concerned him none as he looked down and found the cause of the shrill pain in the form of a large jagged piece of glass protruding from his chest.

"Shannon…" He vaguely heard his lover call out to him as he turned his eyes and watched him crawl with severe struggle to get to him. "Shannon…don't leave me. I love you. You can't leave me" The words settled around him as little by little his body began to go numb, his vision graying, while he fought for every breath taken.

"Love you" He tried to speak, but a thick metallic sludge hindered his efforts as the sights around him began to grow dimmer and dimmer, and then there was nothing.

"NOOOOO" Tim cried out when dead, cold eyes stared back at him. "No Shannon…no. You can't leave me. You can't fucking leave me" His cries of shock and then anger consumed him as he began to beat frantically upon the unmoving chest. He fought an unseen force tooth and nail, as a pair of hands grabbed onto him and attempted to pull him away. "No…" He cried out in anguish when as he jerked away from them and once again began to pound frantically upon his boyfriends chest, practically flying across the room a moment later. "Shannon…" He sobbed, looking to his left as he felt a warm body press against his cold on. "He can't leave me" His sobs continued brokenly as he lunged into the embrace of his father's wife, ignoring the agonizing pain engulfing his entire body as he clung to her. With a glance back, he watched as a team of paramedics worked frantically upon his lover, the looks on their faces saying more then words could as he closed his eyes and allowed his world to once again go black.

When he woke again, his vision was still unclear as he looked around and tried to figure out where the hell he was. "Shannon…" He croaked, a cry of pain erupting from over dry lips as previous events washed over him in a rainstorm of remembered pain. "Shannon…" He whispered again, dizzying amounts of pain from his body and heart sending him back into the darkened quietness once again.

"How is he" Jared asked quietly from the doorway of the hospital room, watching as Tim's step mother sat at his bedside, holding his hands.

"He keeps waking up and calling out for Shannon and then he falls unconscious again" The women replied, wiping at the tears that she couldn't seem to get to stop from her cheek. "I'm so petrified that each time he falls back under that he's not going to wake up again" She looked up at Jared as he walked into the room and stood beside her.

"Tim's strong…he'll make it through" He smiled at the women, kissing her on the forehead before turning to walk away. "You've been here for three days. Come on…I've called a car service to take you back to my place for a shower and a nap. They've been given orders to wait for you until you are ready to come back" He indicated towards the door with his head, whispering something to Tomo who had appeared out of nowhere.

"I can't leave him. I feel so guilty. I somehow feel as if this is all my fault" She wailed, covering her face with his hands in order to hide the shame that she felt. "I should have tried to stop him but I was so afraid for the baby and…"

"You did the right thing by calling 911" Tomo replied softly as he knelt beside her. "You're going to be a witness against the fucking animal that did this to him…it's all you could have done. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Go on…go and take care of yourself and that baby of yours for a bit. I'll be here for Tim and will call you if anything changes" He assured as he helped up off of the chair, walking her to the door.

"What about you and Jared?" She asked, watching as a man dressed in all black approached them.

"He won't leave Shannon's side for more then a few minutes at a time…I've already tried to get him to go home and relax…but he refuses. I've been back to my place for a shower and change of clothes earlier...so I am ok for now" Tomo replied sadly, worried for everyone involved in the nightmare they seemed to be living. "This is Carl and he's going to take you back to Jared's place and then back here when you are ready. I want you out of here for at least a couple of hours"

She couldn't speak a word, only nod in reply as she leaned up and kissed him quickly upon the cheek before taking the arm of the driver and exiting the god forsaken hospital.

"You have to wake you Shannon" Jared whispered softly against his older brother's ear as he sat beside his hospital bed. "You have to wake up because I couldn't fucking bare life if you didn't. You think that Tim is the only one who can't live without you…well he's not. You and I have been partners in crime from as far back as I can remember" Tears slide slowly down his cheeks as he recalled days gone by when they were younger and always in trouble. "You know I can't remember a single important moment in my life where you weren't the first person that I wanted to share it with. Everyone thinks that I am this strong minded, never say die individual…but you know the real truth don't you?" Jared smiled sadly, staring at the emotionless face lying before him. "You know that the only reason I am so fucking brave is because you are there to urge me on, to catch me if I fuck up and boy have I fucking made you work at that. I know that those gray hairs have my name all over them…but you never once complained. Well…not too much" He chuckled under his breath as he ran his fingers through Shannon's slightly peppered hair. "Oh and so you know I took your advice and talked to Tomo and as usual you were right…he loves me. He told me that he loves me…can you believe that and you know that I love him and we've decided to give it a serious try. He's with Tim right now. Jesus Shannon…you can't just give up because I need you…we all need you…especially Tim"

"Jared…Tim's awake" He heard his lover speak excitedly from the doorway with a small sad smile upon his face. "The doctors are with him now…but they say we can go and see him once they are done"

"You hear that big brother…Tim's awake" He spoke towards Shannon, torn as to if he should leave Shannon's side to go see Tim or not" "Now it's your turn" He watched through hopeful eyes for any sign that Shannon had heard his words, only to receive nothing in the form of a reply.

"Come on…he'll be ok for a few minutes without you. Tim woke up in a full panic…crying out Shannon's name again. They want to give him another sedative but he is refusing until he talks to you. I've already told him that Shannon's ok and recovering…but he won't believe it until he hears it from you" Tomo urged as he walked deeper into the room, taking Jared's hand as he dragged the hesitant man with him.

Tim burst into tears, sobs of relief and worry expelling from the depths of his broken heart the moment that Jared entered the room. "He's alive?" He cried out, his throat dry and scratchy.

"He's alive" Jared confirmed as he rushed over towards Tim's bed, engulfing his brother's lover into his arms as they each cried in relief for the man that they loved.

"I was so scared" He sobbed. "He was dead. I watched him die. Please…please Jared tell me that you're not fucking with me. Tell me that Shannon's ok. I need to hear you say it again" He asked again, pulling out of Jared's grip on his painful body as he looked up into his eyes.

"He's alive. The paramedics were able to revive him before they put him in the ambulance…" He watched Tim's face light up with relief, only to fall again at what he had to say next. "But he's in a coma. He's been like that since they brought him in and although the doctor says that it's the best thing for him…I just don't know. Your father did such a fucking job on him. He's lucky to be alive because they said just one millimeter more and he wouldn't have been able to revive him" Grateful, Jared allowed his lover to hold him as he stepped up behind him wrapping his arms around him as he pulled him close. "What the fuck happened in there?" He had to know, hating what it was doing to Tim as he watched the mans face darken as he spoke.

"He walked in on us" He began, tears his new enemy as they continued to bleed from his eyes. "He had been gone for over and hour and then he was back and all hell broke loose. I tried to detour him from hurting Shannon…but I couldn't fucking hold on and then I blacked out. I don't know what happened after that except that the next thing I saw when I came to was Shannon lying on the floor with something sharp sticking out of his chest"

"Your father threw him across the glass coffee table and it shattered beneath him. Shannon tried to get up again…tried to fight him…but he was so weak and before I knew what was happening your father picked up the biggest piece of glass and stabbed him in the chest with it" They heard a women speak behind them. "I'm so sorry Tim…I didn't know what else to do. The 911 operator kept asking for your address and I didn't know it…so I ran into the hallway and banged on every door until someone answered and called them with the address.

"You saved our lives" Tim responded through his tears as he held out his hand towards the women he called friend now, ignoring the searing pain coursing through his body as he hugged her tightly. "Thank you. I need to see him" He said when they pulled apart, trying to remove the tubes, once again ignoring the pain of his beaten body.

"Tim…" A chorus of voices cried out around him, Jared pushing him back onto the bed easily since he held no more strength.

"What are you doing?" He cried out weakly, glaring at Jared with as much anger as he could muster. "I need to see him"

"Tim…trust me man you don't want to see Shannon right now" Jared spoke bluntly, still poised to push him backwards if he attempted to move again. "He's pretty badly beaten up. I just think that you should worry about your recovery for now and then…"

"And then what?" Tim demanded, getting angrier by the second. "Do you really think that I give a shit as to what he looks like? You seem to forget that I was fucking there when this all happened. I saw what my father did to him…I know what he looks like. I need to see him. I need to see with my own eyes that he's still here with me. I want him to know that I am still here with him. Stop being a fucker and…" He didn't get to finish those words as exhaustion, pain and then a funny kind of relief took him away to the dark place again.

"Thank god for that" Jared sighed, exhausted beyond belief.

"It's amazing what a little taste of Dr. Feel Good can do for you" Tomo smirked as he removed his hand from the morphine pump located next to Tim. "You can't keep him away from Shannon forever" He grew serious again, reaching his hand out towards Jared because he felt the need to hold his lover closer after everything that had happened. "Come here" He whispered softly when Jared took that hand, wrapping his arms around him as tightly as he could as he prayed to a higher power that Jared was still safe, because he knew first hand what Tim's father was capable of. "He's going to be out for a while. Let's go check on Shannon"

Jared didn't say a word as he allowed Tomo to led him back towards Shannon's room. Each step felt like lead, his exhaustion growing deeper and deeper the closer they got. Extreme happiness quickly replaced that exhaustion as they entered the room and found Shannon awake and staring at them with a look of confusion upon his face.

"Where's Tim?" Shannon rasped, closing his eyes for a moment at the searing pain that rushed thought his entire body. "I said where the fuck is Tim?" He repeated, reaching for the tubes taped to his body as he tried to get out of bed.

"Jesus fuck here we go again" Jared cried out as he and Tomo rushed to Shannon's bedside, hindering his escape. "Shannon…stop" Jared cried out, grabbing Shannon's arm, thankful that he lost his fight quickly as he fell back against the pillows exhausted.

"I need to see him…to know if he's alive" Shannon rasped, fighting for breath as a gaggle of nurses ran into the room near cursing him a blue streak once they got everything back in place.

"He's alive Shannon" Jared sighed, sitting down on a chair close to the bed as a wave of dizziness washed over him. "Fuck…" He cried out as he tried to clear his head.

"Jared…" Tomo rushed out, alarmed as he rushed over towards his lover, kneeling down before him as he took the exhaustion plastered across his face. "That's it Jared…a few more minutes with your brother and then you are coming home with me and getting some rest before you end up in the hospital as well" Tomo scolded, taking Jared's hand tenderly within his own.

"I'm ok" He smiled at Tomo, his heart squeezing at the amount of love he saw in the Croatians eyes. "It's just been a long couple of days"

Shannon couldn't help but smile at the love he saw pass between his brother and best friend, it only lasting for a second as his need to see Tim intensified. "I need to see him" He whispered, his own exhaustion weighing heavily upon him as he closed his eyes and fell into darkness.

"We can't keep those two apart for much longer" Tomo replied as he watched Shannon fall back to sleep. "There are going to be pains in our asses as well as the nurses and doctors until they do…can't blame them though since I'd want to see you with my own eyes to make sure if it had happened to us" A shudder ran down his spine at those thoughts, but he brushed them aside for the moment. "I think we need to make some arrangements to get them into one room"

"I know what you mean" Jared spoke up softly with a small smile upon his face, pushing himself off of the chair, only to be pushed back before he could fully rise.

"You stay here and rest. I'll go and talk to the doctor and once I get back I am taking you home and you are going to take a shower and get some rest" Tomo spoke up, not giving Jared a chance to speak before he took his leave. Thirty minutes later he found himself back in Shannon's room, smiling at Shannon, who was awake again as they both watched over the slumbering artist sleeping in the chair. "He looks so innocent when he's sleeping" Tomo chuckled as he walked deeper into the room, sitting beside Shannon on the bed as he continued to look at the man that he loved. "Too bad most days he's the devil incarnate"

"And you love it" Shannon smiled, happy that they had found the one thing that Tim and he had.

"I do…" Tomo responded with a sigh and a smile. "I went and checked on Tim while I was out and he's still sleeping…but fine. They are going to be moving the two of you into a private room tomorrow morning as long as you both check out ok" He smiled at Shannon, giving him a loose hug at the idea of just how close he had come to losing his closest friend in the world. "You have no fucking idea how happy I am that you and Tim are ok" He sniffled, trying to fight the tears of relief that wanted to pour from his eyes. "Jesus it was bad enough to get the phone call and hear about what had happened to you…but to actually see it…fuck" A few tears finally fell down his cheek as he quickly wiped them away. "It just seems so fucking unreal you know?"

"I know what you mean" Shannon whispered, tears flowing down his own face at just how much he could have lost in that fateful moment. "It was horrible" He continued. "He was beating the shit out of Tim and I knew that I had to do something…but I was no match for him. I didn't even know what had happened…only that I was in so much fucking pain that I couldn't move or do anything else to help him" His tears rained harder as he turned his head in order to hide them somewhat. "Just promise me that he's ok Tomo" He pleaded as he looked over at his friend, staring into dark eyes for the truth and reassurance.

"He's ok Shannon" Tomo did just that, taking Shannon's hand into his own. "I'm not going to say that his fucked up father didn't do a number on him…but he's survived and he's fucking ready to see you" Tomo chuckled as he told Shannon the story about his attempts to leave his room and the morphine pump.

Shannon was an irritated mess the next day as he sat in his bed figiditing nervously as he waited to be moved to another room, a room he was to share with his lover. "Would you sit still…Jesus you're making me nervous" Jared giggled as he sat beside the bed of his brother.

"I can't help it. I just need to see him" Shannon replied, his hands fidgeting even more. "Damn my fucking chest hurts" He cried out a moment later when he tried to move, a burst of pain shooting through him.

"That's what the morphine pump is for" Jared reminded, reaching over and handing the lever to him.

"No way…each time that I use that shit it knocks me out. I don't care how much pain I am in…I have to see Tim" Shannon burst out, face clenching in pain at another jolt of pain.

"You really love him don't you?" Jared questioned with a smile.

"I really love him" Shannon responded immediately. "He's my world Jared. Nothing else matters to me…especially now. Well…you know what I mean" He chuckled at the pretend look of hurt his brother shot his way. "I was going to ask him to marry me on Christmas day…after this I can't wait that long. As soon as I am well enough to get out of here I am going to ask him and if he says yes we are getting married as soon as I can find someone to perform the ceremony. I almost lost him and now I want to make it official for the entire world to know and see"

"Shannon do you remember anything that happened that night?" Jared asked, sitting forward as he eyed his brother's reaction.

"I remember bits and pieces of it…like Tim's father beating the shit out of him, my attacking him and then nothing much after that…why?" He asked, curious as to the tears blazing down Jared's face.

"You didn't almost lose Tim…but Tim lost you" Jared sniffled. "You died Shannon. You fucking died and Tim saw everything. Luckily they were able to revive you. "We almost lost you for good Shannon" Jared wailed, unable to hold his emotions back any longer as he laid his head upon the side of Shannon's bed and cried. "I almost lost you for good"

"Jared…come here" Shannon grimaced in pain as he shifted over some, patting the space beside him.

Jared didn't hesitate as he carefully climbed onto the bed, careful not to touch Shannon in any way as he did. Shannon wanted to hug his brother and removed the petrified look upon his face, but his immobile arms wouldn't allow it. Instead, he leaned forward as much as his body would allow him, lying his forehead next to Jared's. "I'm ok" He assured, closing his eyes as he snuggled closer to his brother. "I don't remember any of that" His brow furrowed as he tried to recall what Jared had said, forcing it away because he didn't want to dwell on the negative. "I may have left for a minute or two but I am back and badder then ever" He grinned, opening his eyes as he got lost in a sea of salty blue. "I'm ok…" He repeated, his neck snapping towards the door a moment later when he saw movement. "About fucking time" He cried out, lying his forehead against the side of Jared's one last time as Tomo and a few orderlies walked in. "Love you little brother he whispered" Before he was removed painfully from the bed, placed in a wheelchair and carted off to the room where his lover was waiting for him.

Tim was speechless and unable to move the moment that Shannon was pushed into the room they were to be sharing as images of that night began to pelt his already messed up mind. Tears flowed like torrents down his face at the busted and bruised man sitting before him, busted and bruised thanks to the man that he called father. He didn't know what was holding him back when all he wanted to do was rush to his partner and pull him into his arms and never let him go and yet he couldn't move. "Tim…" He heard Shannon speak weakly, knowing the man was in severe pain. "Baby…" He spoke again, Tim still unable to move a muscle.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" Jared whispered to Tomo as the two of them stood behind Shannon.

"It's gotta be shock" Tomo replied, walking past everyone as he made his way towards Tim. "Tim man…snap out of it" He snapped his fingers in front of Tim's face, nearly falling to the ground a split second later as Tim launched forward towards his lover.

"Shannon…" Tim cried out, falling to his knees before wrapping his arms around the man that he loved. "You're alive" He squeezed harder, only to pull back at the scream of pain he received in reply.

"Step back sir" The doctor piped up, nodding towards the orderly, who pushed Shannon towards the bed, a nurse right behind him who hooked his tubing back up. "He's in a lot of pain and needs his pain medication and lots of rest" Checking behind the nurse, he signed off on the chart located at the end of Shannon's bed before turning his attention back towards the silent three. "Your friend here isn't out of the woods by any means. This wasn't some minor wound that will heal overnight. Half an inch more and this could have been fatal. He still has a very long recovery process ahead of him and I don't want any of you to think that this is now going to become party central. The only reason that I agreed to move you into this private room is because…well let's face it you're musicians and Mr. Milicevic said that Mr. Leto here would donate a large sum of money to our new emergency care center. I've got my eye on all of you…donation or not" With that said the Doctor walked out of the room leaving them in silence.

"And just how much of a donation will I be making to this emergency care facility?" Jared asked as he turned to face Tomo, arms across his chest in mock anger, not really caring how much it cost him as long as Shannon and Tim were able to recovery fully and together.

Tim didn't stick around to hear the answer as he slowly walked over towards his boyfriend's bed, taking in his ghostly appearance as his eyes fluttered open and then closed. "Hey baby…" He heard Shannon whisper; his eyes slit open as he looked up from the bed at him, wanting to reach out to his lover, but unable to much of anything but lie there as pain and exhaustion continued to eat away at him.

"Hey…" Tim replied dumbly, pulling a nearby chair closer to the bed, taking Shannon's hand gently into his own, lying it next to his cheek in order to feel its warmth.

"I love you" Shannon murmured, fighting sleep as the morphine drip began to work its magic.

"I love you too" Tim replied tears once again rolling down his face as he leaned forward and kissed the swollen and bruised hand. "I just love you so much Shannon" He knew Shannon had heard his declaration at the smile that crossed his lips before he fell unconscious, Tomo and Jared standing behind them each tearful themselves.

Tim was released from the hospital five days later, but despite his discharge status he never once left Shannon's side for the six weeks before he was discharged as well. It was months later as they tried to get their life back in order that an old haunt came back to bother them in the form of Tim's father's trial.

"I can't believe this is happening" Tim cried out as he paced the length of the living room his hands working a mile a minute as he did. "I mean fuck…we are just getting our lives back on track and now we have to relive this shit all over again. It's just not fair that his trial is two days after our wedding. We don't have to go right. We could just ignore the summons and go on our honeymoon…right?" He stopped and looked at Shannon who sat quietly on the couch watching him. "Well say something dammit" He bit out when Shannon still hadn't said a word.

"Come and sit next to me baby" Shannon patted the spot next to him, holding his good arm out for Tim to take. Tim hesitated for a minute before he took the out stretched hand, lying it gently upon his lap once he had sat down. "I know that you're nervous and upset about your father's trial and if you're having second thoughts about testifying then I understand"

"Second thoughts…are you fucking kidding me" Tim cried out in shock and upset. "He tried to fucking kill you. He tried and almost succeeded in taking you out of my life permanently. Jesus Shannon, why would you think that I was having second thoughts?" Tim questioned, tears in his eyes as he replayed that night over again in his mind. "I want that son of a bitch to rot in jail for what he did to you…to us"

"I know baby…but he's your father and…" Shannon tried to calm his lover.

"He's not my father" Tim cut him off, jumping up and pacing once again. "A father would not try to kill the one that you love. A father wouldn't beat you until you are unconscious and then beat on your some more. A father would try and understand that although the love you felt for that special someone was different then what they were used to…that it was ok…that they would support you. After that night I have no father" Tim shouted, tears blazing down his face as he turned away from Shannon in order to hide his shame. "I could have lost you Shannon. You have no idea how fucking scared I was when I thought I had. I haven't told you this before because I was afraid you would judge me…even hate me…but the first thing I thought of when I saw you lying there dead was that I wanted to join you. I love you so much that I couldn't even fathom what life would have been like without you. I can never forgive him for that….don't you get that"

"I get it baby and I love you so fucking much" Shannon replied with his own tears as he forced Tim to turn around as he wrapped his arm as tightly as he could around he neck, crushing him against his body. "I never thought that I would love anyone as much as I love you" He stammered on his words, determined to get them out just the same. "I don't know what it is about you…but you just get to me in ways that I still can't understand. You are my everything and no matter what life throws at us you always will be"

Together they cried over their near losses and triumphs until they were too exhausted to do much more. Slowly they made their way towards their bedroom, falling asleep tightly within each others arms.

The wedding was a beautiful and small affair, where the people that meant the most to both men looked on as they exchanged vows and rings, sealing their union with a kiss that left each and every person who looked upon it happy and tearful. It was a glorious occasion afterwards as music filled the small hall that had been rented, alcohol flowing freely as delicious food was consumed and the dancing went on for hours. Late into the early morning Tim and Shannon said their goodbyes as they headed hand and hand up to the honeymoon suit where they were going to consummate their union. Afterwards, sated and exhausted the two fell deeply into the depths of slumber, each happier then they had ever been in their lifetime and yet at the same time dreading the upcoming hardship that was going to test them and the love that they held for each other to its limits.

The courtroom was packed full, not a seat left open as Shannon and Tim sat in the front row, hands clutched together as they waited for the trail to start. "I just want to make this very clear to each and every one of you" The judge began as he sat in his over sized chair at the front of the room. "I will not allow this to turn into a media circus" His warning continued. "There are to be no camera's or electric devices of any kind to be used during this entire trial. If I find out that any of those present have broken my ruling then I will close this courtroom and continue with the trail in private. Let's begin…Mr. Prosecutor you may call your first witness"

The trial was long and exhausting for all of those present, dragging on for nearly a month before the verdict of guilty was brought down. For Shannon and Tim it was the hardest experience they had to deal with in their lives as they recounted word for word the time when they had each almost lost the ones that they loved at the hands of pure and ultimate hatred. Not only did they have to deal with the trail, but also the unrelenting media coverage before and after each day that had passed. The media had been respectful of the judge's wishes in the courtroom, but it was a free for all the moment that the two left the courtroom. Non stop coverage played out on the television, talk shows, and gossip rags. The photographers were near brutal as they did everything and anything possible to get pictures of the apparent couple who were such a large part of the trail of the century. Tim and Shannon tired to ignore the reporters as much as possible, refusing to speak a word to any media about the trail or their relationship. Jared on the other hand cursed them out every chance he got, hating the way that it was weighing heavily upon the people that he loved. It was nearly a year later that the media hype died down and the boys were able to get back to some semblance of their life once again.

One year later…

Tim woke with a gasp, jerking forward, fighting for breath as he looked frantically around the bed he had been sleeping in. Relief filled him as he took in the sight of his lover, his husband, the man that he loved with his entire heart, sound asleep beside him. Closing his eyes he drew in a deep breath, thankful that he hadn't woken Shannon up with another one of his nightmares. It had been over a year since the terrible incident that nearly took his lover away from him and yet it felt as if it were just yesterday as he recalled it over and over again night after night. He had tried to move past it, tried to focus on the life that laid out before him and Shannon, but no matter how hard he tried, he found it impossible to forget the images and sounds of the worst day of his life.

Climbing off of the bed, he walked over to the window, staring out into the darkness, arms wrapped across his chest as he tired to control the tears that wanted to consume him once again. Fingering his wedding ring, he recalled the very moment that Shannon placed it upon his finger, speaking the two little words of "I do" words that caused him to smile and his heart to beat with such love within his chest because they were the two little words that bound him and Shannon together for as long as fate allowed.

"Nightmare again?" He heard Shannon speak softly behind him as he closed his eyes and relished the heat that soaked into his cold skin as strong arms wrapped around him from behind, hugging him close.

"Yeah…" He replied with a sigh, head hung low, hating that fact that he couldn't move past the nightmares and that he always seemed to drag Shannon along with him no matter how hard he tried not to. "I didn't mean to wake you"

"I'm worried about you baby" He could hear the concern in Shannon's words, tears once again fighting to take control. "It's been a year and you're still having nightmares. Maybe we need to go and see the doctor again"

"For what…so we can talk about our feelings and I can relive that day over and over again. No fucking thanks…I do that enough as it is" Tim bit out, knowing that he was sounding like an ass but he found that he couldn't control himself as he stepped away from the man that he loved.

"Tim…" Shannon called after his lover, rubbing his hand across his forehead out of frustration because he knew that no matter what he said or did that it would not bring comfort to the clearly upset man. "I'm just worried about you" He watched as Tim stood off to the side of their darkened bedroom, staring at the wall before entering the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. "Fuck…" Shannon mumbled to himself, knowing that there would be no more sleep for either of them as he left the room and headed for the kitchen and a very strong cup of coffee.

"You mad at me?" Tim asked softly as he entered the kitchen, finding Shannon sitting at the table with a look of deep thought upon his face.

"No baby…I'm not mad at you" He spoke up, blinking his eyes quickly as to shake off where his mind had wondered. "I'm just worried about you that's all" He watched as Tim sat at the table, playing with the empty coffee cup sitting in front of him.

"I know you are Shan…but I just don't think that another round of psycho babble is going to help. We've tried that once and it didn't work then…what makes you think that it will work now?" Tim asked, locking eyes with his husband, hating himself for once again putting him through another outburst.

"I don't know if it will work…but something has to" Shannon got up from his chair, pacing the small kitchen before turning to face Tim once again. "I know you haven't been sleeping…that you've been having these nightmares over and over again. Sometimes I feel you watching me at night, staring at me as if I am going to disappear from right in front of you. I don't say anything Tim because I know that you are still having issues with what happened…but the truth is that it's really starting to bother me"

His feelings hurt; Tim picked up the coffee cup and hurled it at Shannon, watching through raging eyes as it slammed into the wall behind him, shattering into a bunch of broken pieces all over the floor at his feet. "Well I'm sorry if my fear of losing you again is staring to bother you Shannon"

"You are really stating to fucking lose it" Shannon roared, his eyes flashing as he stormed out of the kitchen and into the living room. "I don't know what to do anymore Tim" He cried out as he began to search for his keys. "It's as if I'm losing you slowly but surely right in front of my eyes and I am clueless to stop it" He stopped after finding his keys, turning to face the man behind him who hadn't uttered a single word since he last outburst. "You need help or something and as long as you refuse this is only going to get worse" He waited for a moment, hoping and praying that Tim was going to finally agree to get some help, his anger doubling in size when all he got was a dirty look that practically dared him to leave. "Fine…then suffer alone" Spinning on his heel Shannon stormed out of the apartment, leaving Tim fuming in his wake.

"What the fuck man" Jared sleepy voice cried out when he opened his front door and found Shannon standing in front of it. "Do you know what fucking time it is?" He didn't get a reply as Shannon stormed into the house, making his way into the kitchen where he grabbed a beer before walking back to where his brother stood in the hallway. "Ok…" Jared drawled as Shannon practically drained the beer in seconds flat before belching loud enough to wake the dead. "Feel better?"

"Nope….but after a few more of these I sure as hell will" He went to head back for the kitchen, stopping short at a grip on his shirt as he was dragged into the living room and pushed onto the nearby couch.

"Getting shit faced isn't going to help…so just suck it up and tell me what the hell is going on so I can get back to bed" Jared replied in irritation as he fell onto the couch next to his brother. "I take it this has to do with Tim?" He surmised when all he got was silence. "Look either fucking speak or get the fuck out" He ground out, dying to get back to his bed and the lover waiting for him.

"He's having nightmares again" Shannon finally spoke up, dying for another beer but knowing Jared wouldn't allow it. "He hardly sleeps and I couldn't tell you the last time that he's eaten a full meal. Every time I try to talk to him he gets upset and I am just so fucking worried about him that I don't know what to do anymore"

"Have you thought about therapy?" Jared asked.

"Of course I have" Was Shannon's irate reply as he got up off of the couch because the urge to punch his brother was great. "We've tried that before. He went to one session and that was all she wrote. They wanted him to talk about how the nightmares were making him feel and he freaked out. I just don't know what to do anymore Jared. I feel like I am losing him little by little"

"You have to understand that it's been hard on him Shan" Jared defended his brother's lover. "He watched you die before his very eyes. I can't say that I wouldn't be in the same situation if it had been me watching you die or even Tomo" A shudder ran down his spine at the thought of losing either one of the men that meant that world to him.

"I do understand but I am so frustrated that I can't do anything about it. He's afraid that he's going to lose me and I am so fucking afraid of the same thing but for different reasons. I just can't think about this anymore. Can I crash here tonight?" Shannon asked, walking towards the staircase towards his old room.

"No…you are going back home and working this shit out between you and Tim. You can't expect anything to change if you're hiding out over here" Jared walked over towards his brother, leading his shocked form towards the front door. "I don't want to hear it. Go home…talk to Tim…work this out" Opening the door he pushed Shannon though it before closing it, locking it for good measure. "You're going to thank me for this later Shan" He spoke through the closed door, knowing Shannon had heard it just the same at the "Fuck you…" He heard yelled back, before a car door was slammed.

"Everything ok?" He heard Tomo sleepily ask from the top of the staircase as Jared leaned against the door, worried about the relationship between Tim and Shannon.

"Yeah fine…Shan and Tim had a little fight and he needed to blow off some steam" Jared told a half truth as he jogged up the stairs, taking Tomo's hand before leading him back into the room that they shared. "I love you Tomo…you know that right?" He asked once they were snuggled back under the covers.

"Of course I know Jay. I love you too" Tomo assured, not liking the look of panic and upset sprawled across his boyfriends face as he dove head first into his arms, burying his head against his chest.

Shannon sat in the parking lot of his apartment complex for nearly an hour before he forced himself to get out of the car. He didn't know what the hell to think or what to even say to Tim once he got inside. The truth was that he was so fucking scared and yet he didn't know why. The nightmares were not something new to Tim since right after the trial for a few months he would have them nightly, waking up crying out in fear enough to wake the dead. It was then that Tim, after much urging on Shannon's part agreed to talk to someone about them. After Shannon had been released from the hospital it had been recommended to him that he seek counseling for being a victim of a hate crime and as much as he hated what the idea of it stood for, he was grateful he had gone because it had helped him to sort through the anger and the pain of what had happened. Tim on the other hand had gone to one session alone and when he returned he refused to even talk about it, much less go to another one. Shannon had never pursued it because of the way it seemed to upset Tim even more then he already was, but as he walked into the building he found himself wishing that he had.

He wasn't sure what he would find as he walked into the apartment, expecting Tim to have trashed the place, or maybe just gone back to bed, but what he did find nearly broke him down to his very core. "I'll go…I'll go back…just don't leave me like that again" Tim cried out to him as he entered the living area and found his lover sitting on the floor, knees into his chest as he rocked back and forth, tears blazing down his face. Rushing to Tim's side, Shannon fell to his knees and he pulled the distraught man into his arms, holding him tightly, stroking his hair, while he kissed and whispered words of apology and love into his ear. Nearly an hour later at the protesting of his back, Shannon pulled the two of them off of the floor and walked back into the bedroom. Lying down, he wrapped his arms around his husband, just holding him tightly as he waited for Tim to speak. "Why does this keep happening to me" Tim finally spoke against his chest. "Why can't I just move past it and get on with my life…our life?" He kept asking questions that Shannon didn't have the answer to. "I feel as if I am losing it…like I am falling apart and I can't stop it" He went on, burrowing further into Shannon's chest, seeking the warmth from his body in full out desperation. "I hate feeling like this…hate that I keep dragging you down with me. I love you so much Shannon" He finally looked up at Shannon, a fresh bout of tears trailing down his face. "I'm just so fucking scared that I am going to lose you again"

"You're not going to lose me" Shannon replied, sitting the two of them up as he gazed deeply into Tim's eyes. "I'm sorry about earlier. I've just been so frustrated that I can't do anything to stop the nightmares and I know that you are afraid that you are going to lose me…but baby I am fucking petrified that I am going to lose you as well"

"Lose me…I don't understand" Tim questioned in full confusion. "You're never going to lose me"

"I'm losing you little by little now" Shannon answered, his own tears trickling down his face. "You don't sleep or eat…you never want to go anywhere or do anything most times anymore. It's like you're so afraid of losing me that you're losing you instead" Shannon didn't know if that made any sense to the man sitting in front of him, but he was hopeful as the look of confusion on Tim's face changed to understanding.

"That first session…" Tim began, taking a deep breath as he recalled the first time he had spoken to a doctor about everything that had happened. "I walked in there expecting to talk to someone about what had happened. I was so hopeful that they were going to be able to help me process my anger and my fear and instead all I got was dirty looks and snide comments"

"What? I don't understand?" Shannon asked, confused as to what Tim was talking about because the doctor Tim had seen had been highly recommended by his own doctor.

"It started off just fine. She asked me about what happened and as much as it pained me to tell her…to relive it…I did it because I was hopeful that it would help. After I was done she practically blamed what happened to you…to us on the fact that we are a gay couple. She actually sided with my father…saying that we provoked him with our extravagant lifestyle…a lifestyle that she felt was wrong. I was so shocked and then so angry that I just stormed out of there and that's why I haven't wanted to go back. We were the ones that were hurt and she was blaming us for what happened"

"Oh baby…why didn't you tell me this before?" Shannon pulled Tim back into his arms in order to comfort the crying man but also to control the shakes of anger that were beginning to course throughout his body.

"You were still recovering from your injuries, you were going through your physical therapy and your sessions seemed to be going so well…I just didn't want to burden you with anything else" Tim sobbed against Shannon's shoulder.

"For one thing…you will never be a burden to me and for another don't you ever feel you have to hold back anything from me. I love you Tim…you mean the world to me and I always want you to feel like you can come to me with anything…good or bad I'm always going to be here" Shannon leaned back, pulling Tim away from him before cupping his face tenderly within his hands. "Promise me you won't ever forget that?" He asked, leaning their foreheads together as they stared into each others eyes.

"I promise" He spoke meekly, wrapping his arms around his lover's shoulders. "I love you so much Shannon and I meant what I said earlier. I'll get help…but will you promise to come with me?"

"You couldn't keep me away if you tried" Shannon smiled for the first time that night, kissing Tim softly before settling them down once again. "Sleep" He whispered, closing his eyes as Tim laid across his chest, sleep eluding him for once as the anger from what Tim had told him still lingered.

Keeping his promise Tim went back to therapy, Shannon and he finding a doctor that they both felt comfortable with. Shannon also kept his promise of standing by his man's side, going to each and every session and holding Tim together as little by little the walls of fear began to break down and he became a version of the old Tim that Shannon loved with his entire heart and soul. Several months after it began he was told to make a final gesture that would ease the rest of the anger and resentment he held towards his father and as much as Tim feared that final step he knew it was something that he had to do once and for all.

"I'm sorry Mr. Kelleher but your request has been denied once again" Tim heard the judge speak through the phone. "I understand your need for closure…but he's denied the request four times already. Maybe it's a good idea to just move on with your life"

"Thank you sir" Tim put a smile into his voice, trying to hide his frustration from the man he had been in contact with for the previous month in an attempt to speak to his father.

"Fucking coward" Shannon muttered as Tim hung up the phone, a look of helplessness up on his face. "Come here baby…" He held out his arms towards Tim, wrapping them tightly around his trembling body once he was nestled within them. "I know this is so frustrating for you…but maybe there is another way to speak your peace to your father and you don't even have to see him"

"How?"

"You could send him a letter"

Tim thought about it for a moment, not sure if he liked the idea or not. "Can I think about it?" He asked, snuggling deeper into Shannon's embrace. "Will you make love to me Shan?" He asked, desperate to feel his lover's naked skin upon his own.

"Hmmm…let me think about that" Shannon grinned with a cocked eye as he led his lover over towards their bedroom, making love to him hard and fast, snuggling and cuddling afterwards just as he knew Tim needed.

Later that night as Shannon slept, Tim snuck out of bed, walking into the computer room closing the door softly behind him. Sitting at the computer he stared at it for a long time before even turning it on, not sure if he could do what he was about to try, but knowing that it was something that he needed to try and do just the same. He needed the closure and he knew that he couldn't continue his life with Shannon and be happy if he didn't.

It took several tries before the words finally found him and once they had, he couldn't have stopped them even if he tried.

Hello Father…and I use that term loosely for I no longer think of you as anything but the man who tried to not only end my life, but the life of that man that I love. As you already know I have contacted the courts several times so I could speak these words to you directly, but as expected you were not man enough to face me, so instead I will speak to you though a letter, not caring if you read this or not. This letter isn't about making your feel better; it isn't about trying to make you feel worse because this letter is all about me. It is the only way that I can express my true hatred for the man that I once thought of as my father. It is the only way that I can move on with my life with the man that I love with all the I am. Does it bother you to read that, if you are man enough to read this? Because I do love him. He is my everything…can you understand that? There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for him and I know that he feels the same for me. I don't think that you even understand the meaning of love because if you did you wouldn't have done all the horrible things you did to me, to us.

I just wanted you to know that you didn't win, no matter how close you came to ending our lives, you didn't even come close to wining, because no matter what Shannon and I belong together and will always be together. At the risk of sounding sappy, you can't end a love as strong and as important as what Shannon and I share. I won't lie and say that it was easy at the beginning admitting to myself and the world that I loved another man. I got scared, pushed him away and tried to move on, but I couldn't and you want to know why? Because no matter how hard I tried to deny it, he's the one that was put on this earth for me. It took a long time for me to accept that, but thankfully Shannon has a wonderfully forgiving heart and he was able to look past my mistakes and give me several second chances.

I want you to know something, if this is all you get out of this letter then so be it, but I hate you with every fiber of my being. I didn't think it was possible to hate anyone as much as I hate you, but I do. I hate you for being such a closed minded man, who refuses to see that there are different ways to love different people. I hate you for not even trying to understand that your only son was in love with a man, instead trying to deny it at first and then trying to beat the shit out of me once you realized it as truth. However and most importantly I hate you because you caused the man that I love pain and because of it I watched him die before my very eyes. It is a sight that I will never forget no matter how much I might try. I will never forgive you for what you did and just know that after this letter is mailed I won't ever think of you again.

I know this will only rile you up even more, but we got married. Two days before your trail Shannon and I had a civil union and joined our two lives together forever. It was a beautiful ceremony as our friends and the people who love us looked on. I have never experienced such happiness as I did when Shannon placed that ring upon my finger and agreed to be my husband. We even recited our own vows, making that day even more special. Enclosed you will find a few photo's, burn them, tear them to shred, I really don't care what you do with them, but know that it was the greatest day of my life and I for one couldn't have been happier about the fact that you weren't there. Our honeymoon might have been ruined by the fact that your trial loomed on for weeks afterwards, but it couldn't have compared to the rejoice I felt when they threw down the verdict of guilty and I have to admit that I do take some pleasure in the fact that you will spend the rest of your hateful life behind bars.

Since then we've rebuilt our lives. We've stumbled some on the way, but we've held together because of the love and the respect that we have for each other. So I say good bye to you now. I wish that I could say something like "I wish you well" or maybe one day I will be able to forgive you, but I can't. I can't because you've proven yourself to be the epitome of true evil, one who won't or can't change. Either way I don't care because as I said before after I send this you will no longer be in my thoughts or part of my life. I hope you rot in hell for what you did to us. The rest of your life you will live behind prison bars, alone and with no one to visit or care for you because of your evil ways. I however, will be living the good life with my husband by my side and the love of our sweet niece who right from birth wormed her way into our hearts. Yes father, you have a daughter. She is a beauty to behold and it only seems to bloom with each day that passes. I didn't think I would ever love anyone as much as I love Shannon, but she captured my heart and I will do everything in my power to ensure her safety and happiness. She is being raised to love all people no matter what their sexual preference or life choice, an idea I am sure is burning within your gut right now.

So in closing all I have left to say is I feel sorry for you and as much as I hate you, I hope that you find some peace in your life. This will be the only contact you will receive from me and if you are by chance thinking of responding, don't. I refuse to have anything to do with you after I send this. I have my own life to live and it is one that you don't exist in.

Tim

Shannon woke up, worry and concern eating at him as he rolled over and found the bed void of his husband. It only grew as he scanned the room; finding it empty as well before he got up and went in search of him. "Tim…" He called out as he stumbled down the hallway, a yellow light from under a door catching his attention. "Tim…" He spoke softly as he opened the door and found the man he was looking for sitting in front of the computer. "Everything ok?" He asked, walking deeper into the room, panic filling him when Tim turned around and faced him, red eyed and teary. "What's wrong baby?" He rushed to his side, falling to his knees as he took his hands gently into his own. "Are you ok?"

"I'm ok Shannon" Tim sniffled, smiling down at the man who made his heart skip a beat each time that he laid eyes upon him. "It's over now" He spoke in almost a whisper.

"I don't understand" Shannon responded in confusion. "What's over?"

"Read this and all will make sense" He smiled at his lover again, getting up as he urged Shannon to take his seat. He could feel Shannon's muscles tense as he began to read Tim's words, he standing behind him as he massaged them all away with gentle hand motions.

"Are you sure that you want to send that to him?" He spoke a few moments later, standing up before pulling Tim tightly within his arms.

"I'm sure. I want him to read this…want him to know how I feel because it's the only way that I can truly move on from what happened" Tim assured, leaning into Shannon's body. "I love you Shannon…more then I can ever hope to express to you"

"You don't have to baby…because I feel the same way too" Shannon smiled widely as he leaned up and kissed Tim to prove the truth to his words. "So come on…let's go mail this puppy and get on with our lives. Ok?" He asked, staring into beautiful eyes so full of love for him that it took his breath away.

"Ok…" Tim smiled, kissing his husband quickly before moving back in front of the computer. Ten minutes later found the two of them walking hand and hand down a concrete sidewalk, with one destination in mind. "I love you…thanks for hanging in there with me" He said to Shannon as he dropped the letter in the mail box, once again taking his hand as they walked back towards their home and the restart of their life together.

The End…


End file.
